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Sunday, November 18, 2012

Quitting Smoking Cold Turkey

Okay, hello Otherbeasts, today I am writing about quitting smoking cigarettes cold turkey. Okay, almost cold turkey. I'd like to share my struggle in hopes of helping others quit and as well as to complain about my own misery as I go through this process.

I've been smoking for a decade... 10 years... at least. Because I really started smoking back in high school (obviously not seriously) but got pretty serious in college at around 19 years old; laugh at me now because back then I thought it was "cool," and I couldn't really manage my stress and my dumb ass thought it was a smart option to lean on cigarettes. If I had a time travel machine, I'd go back into the past and kick my own ass just to really drive the point home. Teenagers are so stupid.

DAY 0:
I was going to originally quit on Thursday evening; our roommate had just bought a new pack and divided it up between himself, me, and my honey - it was to last us just for that night and we would be cigarette free by Friday morning. Well, Friday came but things got stressful and I really wasn't that quite ready yet and so I caved and bought a pack of cigarettes; but all was not lost, I split the pack with my significant other bought another one to split between the three of us again.

DAY 1:
Saturday was my first actual day without smoking a cigarette. By the afternoon I was having a hard time not caving into buying another pack, and so I compromised by buying myself and my honey an e-cigarette (probably almost as bad, but not as bad as an actual cancer stick). So, we proceeded to smoke on those a bit, but following the same rituals as with "normal" cigarettes like: keeping them outside so we had to take a break from whatever it was we were doing to go have one, having a break after a meal, after a shower, after coffee, etc. We tried to maintain some normalcy about it. I was okay with it, the cravings weren't to bad. I cheated a little bit because the roommate had a cigar and was weaning himself off that way, and I took a drag. Ugh. Disappointed.




DAY 2:
Today is Sunday and I am having a time and a half. The cravings are bad today... and before I even get to the rest of it, last night was awful! I had trouble sleeping; my sleep was light, interrupted, and not restful at all. Is that a normal thing? Because that SUCKS. Anyway, the cravings are bad, and I'm puffing on this e-cigarette every so often but it just pisses me off because it's not a real cigarette. I'm too far to go back and quit quitting because today marks 2 whole days total without cigarettes, so I guess I'll keep on not smoking. Besides, I did the math: 5 bucks a day is about $150.00 extra dollars a month that I could spend on other things that are far better for me.

But the irritability is here to stay for a bit, and my little pinkie fingers keep getting numb-ish, like pins and needles. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat anything. I'm thirsty and so I keep drinking water... but of course the one thing I want the most I can't have. Not that I even want it; I took another small drag off the roomie's cigar and it literally tasted like an ashtray full of dirt and feet. I don't want the smell, I don't want the taste, I don't want the feeling, I don't want any of the nasty, I just want something that comes with smoking cigarettes but I have no idea what it is. Maybe I have a fear that I don't know who I am without them. I mean, a decade is a long time, I could be a completely different person without cigarettes, maybe it'll be a bad thing.

And that was the bargaining phase... you all know what that means, so, if we go by DABDA (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) then I'm 3/5ths of the way past the craving/quitting phase? Well, nuts. I'm gonna stop typing so that I don't face plant my keyboard.

DAY 3:
Will there be one? How will it go? Stay tuned to find out. 
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Until Next Time,
<3Shade


3 comments:

  1. Not sure how you did, or if you are still trying to quit. I notices these posts were a year ago so hopefully you have reached your goal. I am with you, I am on day 6. 5 days smoke free. Triggers are still there, but working through it, this weekend will be the true test of my will. couple of people are coming over, two hare heavy smokes, two use e-cigs. I just hope I have the will power to say no to all of it. Good luck my dear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Best of luck to you as well! You can do this.
      <3 Shade

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